I want to leave.

[platedlizard]

I want to sell my fish and give away my lizards and hamster and pack my birds up and quit my job and close my bank accounts and take all the cash out of them and go. Doesn't matter where. I am so sick and tired of working in a dead-end job. I am so sick and tired of having my hours cut because Corperate thinks that people can live on three days a week or less of work. I think part-time jobs should only be legal for people going to school or who have other forms of support, and not people who need the money in order to survive. I hate living with my parents. I really do. I hate it when they're home because it means that I have to pay attention to them and do what they want right when they want it. I'm 25, and I hate feeling like I'm a child. I want to leave, and I want a job that will give me full time hours and let me live on my own. I don't want to get up a four in the morning tomarrow so I can be at work at six. I'm seriously thinking about doing fone sex because the lolita crowd would love me, I sound 12 on the fone. I bet I could make much more money then I do now, and it would be so much easier (plus, with fone sex I wouldn't have to see my customers in person, that's an added bonus. No, I've never done that kind of work before (although mom makes 'she works in the sex industry' joke about me to complete strangers without ever explaining to them that it was BREEDING BIRDS and not, you know, prostitution. Thanks. I love you Mom. And then she wonders why I haven't gone to church with her since I was 14))

I was happy today when I recycled six dollars worth of cans. Fuck that.

I mailed off my taxes and I am thinking of leaving when I get the checks. Just up and going one day. I have my car paid off. I paid off my car insurance for the rest of the year. If I could sell that five acres then I wouldn't have any bills other then my cell fone, which I could cancel and get a prepaid one. I'm not sure where i would go or what I could do.

I want to write, but everytime I start something distracts me. Steven King says that a writer should write in a place where they won't be distracted, and I think if I had my own appartment I could sleep in the living room with my birds and make the bedroom a 'office' for writing-only. Only keep my writing-books (journals and books like Steven King's On Writing and a few others.

I am so fucking depressed I want to cry.

Supposedly there's this car lot that's looking for a salesmen, and given that i'm a woman I might stand out enough to get hired, but I don't really know anything about cars and I'm not sure that's the kind of job I want. On the other hand it would probably give me more hours and better pay and I don't see how it could be worse then this one, unless my coworkers were total assholes. I've never just worked with mostly men before, so I don't know how well that would go. It kind of scares me, actually.

I can't hold it together enough to get through college and I hate working. I guess that's why I want to be a writer, then I could sit on my butt and do nothing all day but goof off and write stuff. And if I didn't want to spend time with the family I could just tell them to leave me alone, I'm writing and they would understand that I was working and not pull a fucking guilt trip on me for not eating dinner with them. At least mom is now getting used to the idea that I don't want to wait for dad to get home before I have dinner.

I want to go to a con. I want to hang out with people who like the same types of things as me, who aren't old enough to be my parents. I actually want to hang out with people my own age and make real life friends. I guess that's why I want to leave.

Comments

[cassiline.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. I lived with my parents for a year after I graduated college. It sucked sometimes, but they pretty much left me alone, and my job keeps me away most of the day. Don't despair. You just have to take decisive action. Find a new job, get an apartment, and live like a starving artist. It's more fun than you think. Plus, independence, even poor, nothing to eat, no heat, can't pay your phone bill independence, feels better than living at home and hating it. I hope you feel better about the situation soon and get back to writing.

[platedlizard.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I think I'll go and apply for that job. Put on my best sales-girl outfit and ask to talk to the manager/owner/whoever and 'sell' myself (err, in a non-sexual way) If I could sell myself I could sell a car, right?